Donut or Do Not?

The popular children superhero show, Kamen Rider Wizard, faced harsh criticism from Japanese parents today when it was found that children obesity rates in Japan have gone up 3000%. Local researchers blame this problem on the show's main characters who subsist on a diet of nothing but doughnuts. The show features a skinny boy in tight jeans, a model in a svelte gray suit, and a child man who never get fat, despite their lack of proper nutritional intake.

We took our crew to a local school yard to ask chubby boy why his diet was exclusively doughnuts. His reply: "Supersize Me was an amusing film, but the premise of a man eating nothing but McDonalds to the point of being detriment of his own health strained the limits of credulity. Lo, what cruel fates that my perchance for ring-shaped baked goods has doomed me to a lifestyle of insulin shots and constant self-regulation."

To get a foreigner's opinion, we asked a man of African descent staying in Japan about his thoughts on the matter. Unfortunately, he only got out a, "Motherfucker bitches," before smashing a car and changing into a panther, disappearing into the night. Unfortunately, no members of the staff speak Ebonics, so no translation of the statement is ready at the time of this publication.